She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
