i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
