I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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