Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
