I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is the high leading the old right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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