Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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