Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
