I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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