dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
