a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
