just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
