VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
