I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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