Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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