People with herpes should wear stickers.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
