I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
COCAINE IS GR8
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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