Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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