Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had to coat check the pizza.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
