you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
