Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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