Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
