So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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