I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
