I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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