So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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