I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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