Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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