cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
