At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
