i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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