Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
