Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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