I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
