Kiss
Puke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
