I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
