We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is classic penis vs brain.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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