singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
