Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
