i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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