How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
