champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hippo gnu deer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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