If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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