Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I believe in your delicious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
