I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
