I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
