you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
