I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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