Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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