We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize