Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
