Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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