About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
