Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
