When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
