they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
