Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
