I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
