so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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