oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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