This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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