This is not my ceiling
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
