is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
