Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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