You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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