somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
