I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
