Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
