I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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