Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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