Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
