What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
