Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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