Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
