Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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