The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
