she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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