I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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