Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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