There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
